There have been all kinds of Travel Advisories these days: COVID-19 has made necessary certain protocols or restrictions related to air travel, land travel, border crossings, and trade. Weather systems at times have also prompted numerous Travel Advisories, warning of dangerous road conditions, ocean storms, air turbulence, even warnings for walkers such as humidity, windchill, or lightning storms.
This past Sunday the Elders of Lincoln Baptist Church considered whether we should issue a Travel Advisory to our church family, or even cancel our Sunday service, as freezing rain hovered in the forecast. Thankfully, this weather system did not develop.
But there is one Travel Advisory we seldom see, yet one which is most urgent…
A few things you should know before booking your trip to Hell.
- Hell is a very popular travel destination; you will meet many enthusiastic travelers during your trip.
- However, once you arrive, no further communications with these individuals will be possible.
- Every attempt will be made to make your journey to Hell as pleasant as possible.
- One way travel only: There are no departures or returns after arrival.
- No refunds will be given.
- You may not bring anything with you into Hell.
- Upon arrival, no outside communications are permitted.
- All persons arriving in Hell are subject to a mandatory self-isolation period of eternity. (Please note that while in isolation guests will still receive the full Hell experience, all that Hell has to offer.)
- If you are unhappy in any way with your accommodations in Hell, we apologize, but alternate arrangements will not be provided.
- It is very hot in Hell – very hot!
- No food or drink is provided, or permitted at any time.
- There is no courier messenger service in Hell.
- Hell oddity: Despite the constant lapping flames, it remains extremely dark in Hell
- Fun fact: Worms thrive in hell and never die!
- Tickets to Hell are free and travel is obligatory unless alternate arrangements are made.
IMPORTANT NOTE: An alternate travel destination is currently available, but this offer may end at any time. Call on J-E-S-U-S for redemption.
To hear Pastor Andrew’s Sunday message, go to the Facebook page of Lincoln Baptist Church, or link to the livestream from the church website.